Hot House Yoga: yikes, what did I sign myself up for?

Let me tell you about my first session at Hot House Yoga. My body can squat 185 (on a good day), bench 125 (on a really good day), dip, push up, and prone hold with the best of ‘em, but I am unable to touch my toes… well, let’s be honest, I am unable to touch my shins. In this first initial experience, I am finding yoga requires a different type of strength. It’s mental and physical like everything else, but there’s no bruiting one’s way through it. My lack of balance has never been so highlighted. The strength it requires: the ability to laugh at oneself and mental focus.

What I thought was strength as a goal keeper: my erratic and spastic form has become a limitation. Physically, then, yoga becomes an entirely different experience for me. In an outward sense, it challenges my weaknesses of balance and flexibility. Inwardly, it also challenges my weaknesses: focus, BREATHING, and letting go of all distractions…

As my body dripped with sweat and my muscles stretched till they were tired, I couldn’t possibly foresee my body in half of the eloquent positions my instructor eased herself into. Like life, I had to simplify. The challenge was not to eagle, bow, or rabbit pose like the ‘pros’, the challenge was to accept where my current position and to trust myself a little further each day. It's amazing how applicable to life these lessons are.

My second session is the day I became further familiar with awareness. What starts now as a glimpse, I hope to make a permanent occurrence. Stillness is a quiet a force to be reckoned with. Clearly, honesty and vulnerability prevail in this state. It’s quite amazing to think that as a strong athlete, student, and woman I would be so unfamiliar with allowing myself to go there, however, I am so used to pushing through and pushing on towards a future goal, just being seems to be difficult to obtain.

Today in class, I went through pose by pose. I tried not to look at others, tried not look in the mirror…my goal was to not be too serious (remember, I still can’t touch my shins), but also to find my intention for the class. Tonight my wonderful roommate and tremendous friend came with me. I was glad to have someone with whom I could share in this experience. After class we discussed how nice it would be to do as our instructor noted: to find our intention and then to get to a place where we could practice (live life) from there. I felt humbled as my intention was just to be aware. If I was desiring this, then, I was probably detached from awareness. My motto in life is to TRUST, TRUTH, LOVE, and BE.... it's so interesting to note that I had to cognitively work to really obtain the latter... for now.

On a closing note, as the music for final pose savasana—a pose of total relaxation—played, I tried to follow my breathing. Maybe I’m not to the point of total relaxation, but I couldn’t help but feel as though I was on the right path simply because John Lennon was singing my song.

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one